Parenting and Healing: A Generational Journey

I look at my son, and I see the best parts of myself and his father. I see a tiny human who is simultaneously curious and frustrated by the world around him, and I can’t help but feel the same way. I often ask myself, how can I guide him in a way that nurtures all the best parts of him and helps him become a person who defaults to kindness, compassion, and empathy? How can I protect his curiosity and spirit from the cruelties of this world?

The hard truth is that I can’t protect him, at least not completely, from the cruel parts of this world. I see his spirit and notice a sensitivity that I identify as my own. Growing up, I was highly sensitive, often not understanding why other kids and adults couldn’t treat each other kindly. I remember constantly worrying about how my actions could hurt someone else. I also remember experiencing BIG feelings that I felt pressured to hide. I also remember feeling ashamed and embarrassed for feeling, often praying that I could feel LESS so that I wouldn’t be in so much pain…

As my son grows, I want him to feel safe and empowered to use his voice to express his feelings. I’m committed to helping him learn to identify, navigate, and cope with his big feelings (and trust me, my wise 2-year-old is experiencing some big feelings lately!). Sometimes, his big feelings trigger me. The decolonizing therapist/parent in me asks why. Don’t I want to be able to help him identify and regulate? I don’t want him to hide who he is. I want him to be part of the world that we want to be the better place. 

I think about the little girl who was not allowed to feel anything but happiness and gratitude. This girl hid all else in fear and shame. This is the part of me that is triggered because when my son feels safe to express his big feelings, I’m reminded of the little girl who could not. When I parent my son, I bring healing to that little girl who yearned for empathy, compassion, and understanding. She feels sad, and adult me tries to protect her with righteous anger. That anger, however, will not be projected onto my son. As much as I love my inner child, and she is a part of me, she is my past, and my son is the future. She and I must work together to help him grow in all ways we could not. 

And I know these seeds will bear fruit because I’ve already seen signs of life. When my son becomes overwhelmed with anger or sadness, we have taught him to count: one, two, three… When things don’t work how he wants them to: … And recently, he was angry and began counting on his own: one, two, three... Even more recently, he is using his voice to yell fop! (stop!) to communicate when he does not like something. One day, I was giving him lots and lots of kisses, and he gently grabbed my face and said: fop! And I said: Okay, baby, I’m sorry. During bath time, too much water poured over his eyes while I rinsed his hair: FOP! And I said: Okay baby, thank you for telling me. 

Present me and past me jumped for joy. He is learning. He understands. These seeds will bear fruit, and it will be new.

By: Ingrid Camacho
10/12/2024